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HAPPY THOTS!

Hapiness is a choice as they say..It is up to us if how we’d like to live aour life..Either we choose to sit on on perpetual sadness and pain and wories or acknowledge the mistakes,accept the failures,  learn from it and do something to resolve issues and be a better peraon then move on.Today as i was on my way to work, i have realized something. It came into my my heart and mind that life is so simple and can be so fullfilling if i choose to be happy.That instead of worrying evwrything   why not just live life simply and be positive..And it crossed to my mind. Why this few days i was so upset and feel sad…Then i answered my question with one realization.Because i chose to depend my hapiness to someone or something..That if that someonenor something does not meet my expextations broke my heart into pieces.I have forgotten that Jesus Christ must enough for me…That apart from my thousands expectations from whoever whonwhatever..Jesus already provided and given me overflowing happiness by simply saving me. HE is always been therw for me..never rejected me.cares and love me…hears me…comfort me everytime i feel down…I just realized….I can be happy evwn if everyone around.me rejected me or evwn if all that material things could.not be mine..I am hapoy because God is with me…

HEARTBROKEN

Just a an hour ago, i was so sure and determined to make it up with him.We had a misunderstanding that left our relationship hanging for 4 days i guess…And tonight i made up my mind and my heart realized that I am so happy having him in my life.That he is a huge part of my happines. That even if i asked him 2 days ago if he is still willing to give it a try but this time there will be some.changesbthat i think it could really help…He did not affirmed directly,he said he want to know the change that i wasbtalking about..I was thinking that if i would it the two of us another chance i would want to be God as the center of our relationship.I would want the two of us include God on our relationship starting by attending mass together because we do not do it on our past relationship…That was the change that i was thinking..When i opened the idea of it,i did not said what specific change i would want,and he did not said yes..He answered i will think about it..I was kind of upset because i thot he ia willing to take risk watever changes will be justbas long as we already have a chance again..until tonight i cannot wait any longer,i do not want to go to sleep without making up to him.At first i was so afriad and having second thought of texting him..But then i swallowed my pride and texted him..Id like to see you tonight abd be with you tonight…I hope u cud consider and ifyou want u can spend the night at our boarding house..I was tensed and excited at the same time while waiting for his text..And replied…Sorry i dont want to..I am.still thinking and not sure yet..I kept on begging him repeatedly but still he refused…until ive loat my hope and i felt the tears running through my cheek..i was hurt.i didnt see it coming..i felt i was dumped..i was so hurt…andi said ok..ita its really what you want..go home safely and be happy.then he suddenly replied.. Ok i will go to your bhauz…i felt he was just being forcedbto do so..and i was already hurting..I was already diaappointed..Mixed emotions..I replied,no..u dont have to anymore i felt so bad tonight and i felt i am just the only one forcing and begging you to come.back…I am so down and im tired begging for love…I do not know if its his intention to hurt me but i was really heart..i am hurt..i am broken..i am.very sad….i want to shout and let the feeling cry out loud.but i can only express thru this way..Im sorry for the drama but i really have to let it out..Why it has to be this way..am i wrong??what do u think??

Something Sweet to Start With…

Early this morning. I wanted to talk to someone about what’s going on with me and my someone special. I’ve got a lot of friend , I have my sister but I am not just really comfortable sharing it with them. so I decided to just write whatever running through my head through this blog. I am Van, a simple 27 year old girl. I spent most of my life away from my family just to survive, so initially I am used to live independently. I hardly trust people and be closer to them because I do not like the idea of getting used to be with someone who can help me or care for me..I am very confident and comfortable of doing things on my own , facing my own problem, celebrating my own little highs in life ..Alone..I graduated an engineering related course. Right after graduation I’ve tried my luck in manila, and luckily landed a few great job. Until I was employed on one of the Aluminum and glass company in taguig and met my so called “special someone” who changes the way I think, feel,live and understand life. We graduated the same course. He was one of my superior, thus I addressed him as “Sir”. He was so cool for me because he is the quite type guy yet very smart specially mathematically and in logic. He is quite a snob that makes him more attractive. I really admire snob guys like him.And since he was my trainer, everything that I have to know about my job was through him.We talk most of the time, spend hours most of the time, I intentionally ask questions to him even if the answers are so obvious just to get his attention, but i was doing this carefully that he or everyone around us will not suspect anything obvious.

I was like this for quite sometime. Then my feeling started to become deeper when I knew that he courted one of our co-employees but he didn’t win her. Ive heard that he was so sweet while courting her and the girl just dropped him like its hot, and luckily now he totally moved on. Everyday, I was so excited to go to work knowing that I can be see , talk and be with him again for 8 hours.Later on, due to work requirement, we became more and more closer, we even ate our lunch together.Until, one day, it was one of our co-employees birthday while we were eating and having chat ,I cannot remember what was the topic all about and ended up something about my favorite Ice Cream -“Dairy Queen”. And we had a conversation on Him treating me that Dairy Cream Someday.

To be continued….

The Newbie

Wanting to share some of my experiences pushed me to create this blog site. I am not an expert blogger..I just wanted to have a channel where i can express my ideas, thoughts and share some of my experiences. i am not the kind who can just easily open to someone in person, thus, maybe this way i can just shout out whatever i like..I hope I can enjoy my freedom of expression here.